Pitt Football is off to a Slow Start: Is Multifactor Authentication to Blame? | Take Tuesday
Pitt Football is off to a Slow Start:
Is Multifactor Authentication to Blame?
Arthur W Mueller
Last season, Pitt went 8-5. They beat multiple top ten teams and had one of the most explosive offenses in the country. This season, Pitt is 1-2, they haven’t looked remotely competitive against top ten teams, and their offense is struggling to go anywhere.
What could have caused such a drastic change? Between the end of last season and the beginning of this season, Pitt implemented multifactor authentication for all of their online services. Now, multifactor authentication could be slowing Pitt down and preventing them from competing with other teams. I know that multifactor authentication has greatly reduced my productivity. If I don’t happen to have my phone on me, I can’t get any work done. I can’t even imagine how much multifactor authentication can harm a busy student athlete. How much practice time is wasted by players having to confirm that the person who typed their password in is indeed them? Maybe Shawn Watson can’t really open up the offense because he just can’t get into the playbook. Maybe the offense is out of sync because every time they want to get the next play in they have to send a notification to their phone. Maybe the stadium was empty because fans couldn’t get past the multifactor authentication to print their tickets.
Regardless of the specific cause, we can clearly see that the football team is uncompetitive with multifactor authentication, but the problem might be university wide. On Monday, a pipe burst in the Cathedral of Learning, flooding the building. This kind of thing didn’t happen before multifactor authentication. Pitt needs to figure this whole thing out while they still can.
The Top College Football Teams I Want to Talk About
- Clemson: Is Clemson better this year than last year? Their defensive front sure is. Does anybody have the offensive line to prevent Alabama-Clemson part three?
- Penn St: Is it unsportsmanlike for James Franklin to ice a kicker up 56 points? Not if you’re Penn State. Every game that Penn State plays is meaningless.
- USC: USC made their vacated Rose Bowl technically not rematch much closer than it needed to be and worse, they didn’t give a clear answer to the questions, “Is Texas back?”
- Oklahoma St: Oklahoma St beat Pitt so badly Pitt had to give out beverages to fans to get them to stay at the game. Well the joke is on those fans. I went to McDonald’s and got a beverage without having to go all the way to Heinz Field. As an added bonus, McDonalds has Coke products, while at Heinz Field/Pitt you’re stuck with Pepsi.
- San Diego St: San Diego St upset Stanford this week, so if you’re looking for a team you can shout out to sound knowledgeable about college football try San Diego St. Check back next week though, they have a tough game at Air Force this week.
- Florida: I think Florida actually lost this week because it appeared that both them and Tennessee were trying to lose. Tennessee was successful at losing, which makes Florida the real loser.
- Mississippi St: They demolished LSU so I guess that means something. Nobody has any idea which team it means something for though.
- Vanderbilt: They are 3-0. They also play Alabama this week. Upset al- nope I can’t type that with a straight face.
- Memphis: They beat UCLA who beat Texas A&M. Again, I have no idea what this means for anybody.
- Wake Forest: Through three games, the Demon Deacons are averaging over 40 points a game. Even for college football, that’s weird.
- Purdue: Wait is Purdue relevant? What happens if they can get a lead on Michigan this week? We’ll probably never find out, but it’s college football and crazier things have happened.
- Rutgers: Rutgers got their annual win. It came 65-0 over Morgan State.
Offenses in the NFL are somehow worse than ever. All 32 teams were in action this week and half of the teams failed to score 20 points. Too bad there isn’t a talented quarterback available on the free agent market. I guess teams are just going to have to roll with Case Keenum or Brian Hoyer.
The Chargers can’t fill a stadium that is half the size of most NFL stadiums. A large portion of the fans that did attend the game were fans of their opponent, the Miami Dolphins. It’s okay though. The Chargers aren’t in Los Angeles for fans; they’re just there for television money.
Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day. I celebrated by being really cheap and not bothering to put any effort into this week’s column.