Take Tuesday: Stop Complaining About Your Championship Drought

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Arthur W Mueller

The two teams currently playing in the World Series haven’t won a championship in a long time. People forget that. I’m sick and tired of all of these millennials complaining that their team hasn’t won in a while. If you’re only 20 years old, you haven’t suffered through decades of losing. Even if you liked sports at an early age, you probably don’t remember sports before you turned five. You have only experienced fifteen years of losing. Here’s a list of baseball teams that haven’t won a title in the past fifteen years:
• Atlanta Braves
• Baltimore Orioles
• Chicago Cubs
• Cincinnati Reds
• Cleveland
• Colorado Rockies
• Detroit Tigers
• Houston Astros
• Los Angeles Dodgers
• Milwaukee Brewers
• Minnesota Twins
• New York Mets
• Oakland Athletics
• Pittsburgh Pirates
• San Diego Padres
• Seattle Mariners
• Tampa Bay Rays
• Texas Rangers
• Toronto Blue Jays
• Washington Nationals

If you are 20 years old, there are 19 other teams that you can’t remember winning a title. 2/3 of Major League Baseball hasn’t won a title in the past fifteen years. Your team isn’t special. Quit whining. If you are an old person, I get it. You have actually seen your team struggle for an extended period of time. You have earned the right to talk about your championship drought. If you’re a millennial, you haven’t earned that. Don’t try to appropriate something you haven’t lived through. I don’t feel sorry for you so shut up and watch the game like a normal person.

College Football Watch

Ohio State lost, which is largely meaningless because they still get to play Michigan and that is the game that will define their season. The only effect of this game is that we have to deal with Penn State fans in our mentions. Pray for us.

NFL Watch

All of the teams in the NFL now suck, but the Browns, 49ers, and Bears suck slightly more that the rest. I’m so glad NBA season is here.

NBA Watch

The Golden State Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals. Every game that they lose this season will be a joyous, hilarious occasion. It will also be extremely entertaining to watch. Anything short of an NBA title will be a crushing failure for the Warriors. While the Warriors are currently the favorites, there is a good chance they won’t win the championship and that is something I am greatly looking forward to.

Tweets of the Week

Gronk
Ryan Lochte
SJW’s

Eleven Things I Think Because I’m Smarter Than Peter King

1. NBC puts more effort into the graphics for Sunday Night Football than I have put into literally anything ever.
2. I might actually be bored with the NFL. I was at home on Monday night and I didn’t turn on Monday Night Football once. I can’t remember the last time that happened.
3. Draymond Green kicked another guy below the belt in a preseason game. Maybe this is just his thing now and he’s really embracing it?
4. The World Series is rigged unless Cleveland wins because I want Cleveland to win.
5. If Cleveland wins, it cements LeBron’s title as the greatest of all time. Michael Jordan was never able to bring a baseball championship to his city, and Jordan had twice as many teams to work with. LeBron broke Cleveland’s curse, enabling the baseball team to win. LeBron James is the best leader in sports.
6. Pat Narduzzi is right. Watching sports is more important than school. I put writing this column before my schoolwork because I am a true hero who knows how to prioritize.
7. The Chip Kelly coached 49ers might trade receiver Torrey Smith. Why am I not surprised?
8. The NBA released official hashtags for each team and I might have to start rooting for the Nets. They have #BrooklynGrit. They might not win ten games this season, but they are winning the Twitter game.
9. Sunday Night Football wasn’t really funny until both teams missed short field goals in overtime. Then it was hilarious.
10. I’m glad the NBA is still running their argyle sock monkey commercial. It’s a classic. I won’t miss The Hoopers though. That jingle is still stuck in my head.
11. TNT has decided that the song they will drive into everyone’s head this NBA season is Come Down by Anderson .Paak. This is a fantastic decision.

Closing Limerick

When PSU is in your timeline
“We are back” you hear those losers whine
Well people forget
That Pitt is the best
Pitt won 42 to 39

 

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